My boss returned from a two week vacation and was so very excited to be back her first day. By the second day back, her head spun around twice. I am a people-pleaser and as an addict, I tend to be overly sensitive so I am in fear of being fired on a daily basis. This is not a groundless fear, I mess up a lot!
I went home and my kids breathed wrong and set me off. I decided I needed some spiritual nourishment and went to a meeting. My live-in had been up for 36 hours without sleep and we were both a little cranky. He left the meeting early to go out to the car so as not to embarrass himself by snoring in the meeting. On the way home we were both grouchy and I had enough of his negativity about everything. I try to be a very positive person, and being around negative people really affects my spirit. I finally told him to shut the hell up. Of course I then felt like a piece of shit and had to go outside and make amends.
I am not sure what has me feeling so negative and tired lately. I am working on making time to talk to the Universe and God and finding my peace within myself. This would be so much easier if I didn't see my loved ones as an extension of myself and didn't try to control everyone and everything around me.
Sometimes I just want to yell "Why can't everyone just shut the hell up?" It seems like everyone has something to bitch about. when I was busy getting high no one expected anything of me. I miss those days. The kids didn't ask for clothes, food, shoes, allowance, cell phones, cable.....when I was getting high. They knew the answer was no and they were happy if the got Oodles Of Noodles once a day. Not proud, just sayin'
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