I am 7 years old and he lays me on his chest
The way a real father would cradle a newborn
My legs straddle his waist
A comforting hand rubbing my back and hair.
I feel him harden beneath me
His buttons press into my flesh
I complain, he removes his pants
There is more pain, indescribable, piercing pain
Unbearable tearing, burning, stretching.
Sitting in the bathtub, small and shaking
So much blood and pain
He bathes me and comforts me
He tells me what a good girl I am
My grooming is complete
Mommy met him at work
She smiles and laughs with a glimmer in her eye
No more raised fists or empty bellies
They dance through the living room
“Muskrat Love” and giggles
His hand on her bottom, more giggles
No daycare, he works days. She works nights
Finally, a good man to help her raise her baby.
He tells me he loves me and shows me
Night after night
While mommy is at work I’m his special girl
The shame of my body’s responses keep me quiet
No threats needed
The scent of our secret in the air
Her hopes for her new family shattered
Like the porcelain doll I dropped last year
She send me away
Throws me out
Like yesterday's trash
