I came home from a rough day at work. I listened to my boss to see what kind of mood she's in and I didn't need to listen long to rethink my taking a vacation this week. I am scheduled to take off Thursday and Friday. One one hand, it's great to have a job to take a vacation from. Afterall, a grateful addict will never use. On the other hand, I swear her spidey senses kick in whenever I'm not there and she will find everything I have ever done wrong since the last time I took a day off. Which by the way, two weeks ago I was out and I came back to a write up for three different things. To be fair, I deserved two of them.
Anyway, I came home and made a smart remark to my 14 year old. I told her to get her shoes on because I was getting ready to go to a meeting. She asked why she had to go and I told her she has to go with me because I can't trust her. Afterall, I am still paying off an $800.00 cable bill. She rented $671.00 worth of pay-per-view. So we have instant attitude, please add fuel. As we are pulling off from home, I noticed her blinds are no longer in her window and have been replaced by two brightly colored blankets. I went on a tirade. "How many times have I told you to stop touching the blinds?" "Why are there blankets hanging in your window?" The louder I get, the more of an attitude and smart mouth she gets. The smarter she gets, the more upset I become. We are now locked in a power struggle and there will be no winner. My boyfriend is listening to all of this and tells us that we need to learn how to get along. He says we don't get along because we are just alike. I see that, but of course it pissed my daughter off. Who wants to be just like their mother? Boyfriend tells daughter to be quiet and he is isck of her mouth. She smarts off. He replies that he is going to slap her and then she said the magic words...."Do it then!" OMG, why did she just invite the insanity? This is a man with 90 days clean and has no children of his own and has no coping skills or idea of how to handle life on life's terms. He slapped her. She lost her damn mind. I am trying to figure out how to get pulled over. She is trying to get out of the moving car and my son and my boyfriend are trying to hold her down. She starts screaming at me for "letting" him hit her. She says "Fuckk this shit" and before I know it, I have pulled over, boyfriend is jumping out of thr car to walk home and I run to the other side of the car and I slapped her too for her mouth. All of this happened in about three minutes. In three minutes I gave up my serenity, forgot all about spiritual principles, put my hand on my child and let my shortcomings take over.
I made amends to my daughter and she and my boyfriend talked and apologized to each other. He is, of course, beating himself up and I am someone how caught in the middle as the bad guy and feel like it is all my fault. I will call my sponsor and pray. My daughter, being as manipulative as her mom, is going to try to use this to get a shopping trip. By now, she has put up with me for 10 years of active addiction and four years in recovery and she probably deserves a pony, but she can't have one until I pay off the damn cable bill!
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