One of the first things I heard when I got clean was to get a physical and get my health checked out. There is no telling how much damage we have done to our bodies in active addiction...either through drug use directly or through sheer neglect. I have been obese almost all of my life. At almost five years clean I have been diagnosed with the onset of diabetes.
I have been thinking a lot lately about the needed lifestyle change. Am I truly lacking motivation or am I afraid that I'll fail so I don't even begin to try? I checked my sugar this morning before I ate and it was 237. That's a little lower than yesterday morning.
As far as my eating goes, I ate a bagel for breakfast with a little bit of chocolate spread. I didn't snack all day. For lunch I had one and a half pork chop sandwhiches on english muffins and a few celery sticks.
I came home and he had cooked my favorite...spaghetti and I wanted to cry because I can't eat it. I decided that instead of skipping dinner I would eat a very small portion. I was still hungry so I ate a few more bites and walked away. Tonight the spaghetti was still calling my name so I had three bites in a tiny bowl. It was enough to enjoy the taste and made me think about proper portion sizes. I even did 30 squats tonight. That may not be much to most people, but my thighs burned.
I am praying for strength and self-discipline. I know that God will give me all of the tools I need to eat right, get my sugar down and get weight off. God wants me to be at my healthiest. My name is at the top of my Eighth Step amends list. I owe it to myself to take care of myself, but as with everything else in my life, I can't do it alone. I need God's help.
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