I am coming to learn that when I am feeling something that I perceive as negative, it usually has nothing to do with what is going on at the present moment. I am either reliving feelings from a past event or fearing a future event.
Yesterday I tried to cajole my live in to have sex in the middle of the day and he turned me down. He doesn't have the sex drive I have. I know it's him and his issues but I was able to convey to him that when he says no, I feel rejected.
Last night I shared at a celebration that after I was adopted I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my that my new daddy didn't sneak into my room at night and touch me. I thought, from prior experience that it was want all men wanted and my ability to let them use my body was my purpose. It dawned on the this afternoon that when my father failed to molest me, I felt rejected. Now when the llive-in say no I am reliving all of the feelings of being rejected, less than and not good enough from 25 years ago.
No comments:
Post a Comment