Control....This seems to be my biggest character defect, or at least the one I am acting out on the most lately. When I feel like I am spiraling out of control and I am feeling unmanageable I try to control everyone else. I have fucked up my life so let me manage yours.
I live with a man and lately I notice I have been treating him like one of my children. I am constantly feeling the need to guide, to tell him what to do or how to do it and give constructive criticism. I mean well but as my elders have told me "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It doesn't matter why I do it. I need to stop doing it. It is causing pain in my life, to myself and others. When I am trying to control someone I am lacking the respect of allowing them to make their own decisions.
My boyfriend told me today that I am not happy unless I get my way. He says that I have to run the show. I recognized a grain of truth in that. Tonight I found out that I am not getting my daughters in the morning like I expected. Not getting them until tomorrow afternoon throws off my whole schedule with my other children. It left me feeling very out of control. Why can't people just do what I say, when I say it and how I say it and the world would be a better place.
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