I am an addict adrift

     The "Keep Your Head Down Campaign" did not work. I was laid off a week ago. It didn't come as a big surprise. I knew it was coming and am having a hard time accepting that it wasn't personal. It is hard not to take it personally when the person who lays your off is the same person who has threatened to fire you a million times. She ended it by saying if business picks up, I will be her first choice and I am rehirable. Somehow, I think that was said to ease the blow. I went by the office today to say hello to everyone and pick up some paperwork and it felt as if I were a visitor in my own home. Have you ever felt that way? It's not a good feeling. It's only been a week and I felt like a stranger. I have a friend who works there who made me feel very welcome and that helped. The look on Hitler, I mean my boss's face today suggested that she did a happy dance when I left.

    I am trying to deal with the lay off  and haven't heard anything about my unemployment yet. It would really come in handy. The day after it happened I went to get in my car and there was a note on my windshield. The police had taken my tag for letting my insurance lapse. That afternoon I received a note in the mail to inform me that my license has been suspended because I did not pay the taxes on my car. Nice, my life is way more manageable than it was in active addiction. 

      I am also living with a man who is new to recovery. He is new to recovery and on top of everything is a conspiracy theorist. I spent the day looking online for suvival tips and things to put together in a survival kit for martial law or a civil war. It was easier to go along with it than sit there and explain to him why he is more fucked up that a football bat. The positive? We can now survive a disaster  of almost any porportion. (Assuming is only lasts 3-5 days!)

    Tomorrow morning is a doctor's appointment. One of the positives coming from being laid off is making all of these doctor's appointments before my insurance runs out at the end of the month. I have had insurance for about a year and a half, but never used it. I was too terrified to take the time off of work. (Please see previous posts) I went to the dentist and have three small cavities. I normally don't like the dentist, but I survived. By the way, Dr. Butcher is not a reassuring name for a dentist. I am so glad he uses his first name. We will see what tomorrow's visit brings. Part of working my Ninth Step and making amends to myself is taking care of myself physically. I took a walk this morning and have been praying for God to help me lose some weight this year for health reasons and to help me quit smoking.